Illusive Love

When a woman looks a man in the eye and says, "Joe, you are a really nice guy, but . . ." brace yourself. The dagger is drawn. She is about to leave.

"How can she do this to me?" you scream. Months of hard work have just been flushed down the drain: long talks, sunset walks, and pretending you liked to dance. Twenty-four hours a day, you gave her nothing but your best manners.

For weeks, the two of you plodded through your life stories and lied about having things in common. Then, just when you felt at ease with her, she lowered the boom. You got a little cocky, took her too much for granted, and now she is gone. Getting your life back on track again will take months.

For the male of the species, the sudden loss of female touch, taste, and smell is like being cut off from drugs cold turkey. At first, he second guesses each word or deed that might have changed the outcome. Then, it slowly sinks in that she is gone, and nothing can bring her back.

When a woman says "no," she means no, and there is little chance she will ever change her mind. That is a good lesson for all men.

One drawback of being a man is that, as boys, we played too much sports. In sports, Coach taught us to never quit. "If you want something badly enough," he said, "you can have it, if you work hard enough and never give in."

That approach works well in the field of sports. Many a game has been won with a strong second effort; but that is not the way to win a woman's heart.

Either two people are meant for each other or they are not. When sweet love turns sour, best to end it quickly, part friends, and get on with your lives. Some men can see the wisdom of this, but others can't take "no" for an answer.

For them, the ancient male hunter instinct kicks in. They press on, pursuing their female prey like a wounded deer in the forest; but, if a man badgers a woman until she gives in, what has he really won?

At best, she will feel like a caged bird, and he will never hear the end of it. In the worst case, she will leave him one day for a man she really loves. When the jilted male reaches this point in the thought process, he is healed, and friends can stop sitting up with him nights.

Beware, however. Renewed self-esteem can land a man right back in trouble. Dark eyed brunettes lurk behind every corner. One soft inviting glance, and the whole destructive process begins anew.